David Jones was made up the stuff that makes you spin,
Everyone else was made up of the stuff that makes you whizz.
It is never easy being the only spinner in a whizzing world
but David tried hard to blend in and carry on.
He got a job in a wool business spinning wool,
"if he couldn't spin himself he could spin something else" he thought.
As all the other workers whizzed along spinning their wool
David spun along spinning his wool and naturally he was the best at this.
Soon he was offered the title of Head of Wool Spinning,
he would be the man in charge of the business,
he would sit in his office and overlook the other spinners.
David declined the offer,
too much whizz for him.
How could he sit there spinning himself while whizzers tried to spin for real.
No one knew he was not a whizzer,
how could they understand that he was completely different from them.
A fish does not know it is wet because it has never been dry.
A whizzer does not know it whizzes because it has never spun.
After his job in the wool business David moved onto bigger things,
he danced,
he spun plates,
he made candy floss,
he made pizza,
he was a D J,
he did everything he found that made use of his spinning
but he was never satisfied.
They always felt like unfinished tasks
like the unspoonable dregs of soup in the bottom of the bowl,
like the last slurp of a milkshake in the glass that the straw just wouldn't suck up.
David felt incomplete,
everyday felt like the gurgle of an empty stomach even though he was full.
David was not alone,
David had many friends,
David was loved by everyone he met.
Whizzers were drawn to him,
they revelled in his company,
intrigued by something they didn't know they didn't know.
David couldn't describe to them what he was,
he rarely tried because it was confusing.
How can you tell someone who whizzes how it feels to not whizz
how could they understand how it was to be what they are not.
So,
unfulfilled,
David continued his life spinning with the whizzers.
He met Joanne Davids,
A whizzer who worked in a garage fixing cars.
They lived together but were never married.
As David grew older he accepted he was different,
he kept his spinning to himself,
trying to live as the others do,
trying to whiz with everyone else.
Every night and every morning David would go into the bathroom,
away from everyone else
and he would just spin on the spot quietly for a few minutes.
His hunger was fed but not filled.
One September the weather became very different from the usual,
the clouds rolled like black lava,
the rain cascaded from the sky,
the seas tumbled like huge moving mountains
and the thunder could be felt from the deepest depths of peoples being.
Astronomers announced that
"a meteor capable of destroying the earth is headed straight for us"
They had been tracking it for a long time
but solar winds had re-directed it.
Now the whizzers all did what they knew they could do,
they whizzed to help here,
they whizzed to help there,
they whizzed to fix this
and they whizzed to fix that.
Everyone got what they needed because they all whizzed together.
But the rock was still heading towards them
and the rain came harder.
They whizzed to build this
and that,
and move this
and that.
Everyone was safe and protected.
But the rock was still heading towards them
and the thunder boomed louder.
They whizzed to create this,
to destroy that,
to save their homes.
Everyone whizzed together a mission to destroy the rock.
But the rock was still heading towards them
and the wind blew harder than ever.
As the whizzers constructed their rocket to fly into space David watched with Joanne.
All the world watched as the rocket was brought out ready to launch.
3,
2,
1...
The rocket blasted off,
heading straight and true.
But the winds were too strong,
the storm was too severe.
The rocket,
their hope,
was torn out of the sky and smashed into the ocean where it detonated with an ground shaking rumble.
The waves and echo caused by the explosion were quickly eaten up by the sound and severity of the storm.
The world waited,
The whizzers all waited
and David,
the spinner,
waited.
There was no way they could hope to get through the storm and stop that rock now.
Masses of people flocked together in one place,
being close together for the end was the best way they could think of ending.
Huge party's were had all over the world celebrating life up till this point,
if they were going to go out with a bang,
they were going to go out with a big bang.
As the time drew closer to that fateful day David felt that pull of hunger inside him
and he spun on the spot.
He spun in private and he was fed.
Thursday came,
the day when the world would begin to collapse.
David awoke next to Joanne,
David walked into the bathroom and spun.
David was not hungry,
David was a spinner and he spun.
At the moment he was full and he spun.
All was clear to him and he spun.
David went into the bedroom to wake Joanne and he spun.
" I am a spinner not a whizzer" he said
" I love you Joanne and I am sorry but I must go now" and he spun out the door.
People who were all watching the sky from their houses saw David spinning in the street.
He danced and spun,
dodging the gusts of wind and debris as if they were not there.
"I AM A SPINNER NOT A WHIZZER" he shouted.
A few whizzers tried to run to him thinking he was being swept away in the wind
but they were blown back by the gusts.
David danced through the currents
and people watched him as he made his way gracefully through the city.
"I AM A SPINNER NOT A WHIZZER" he shouted as more and more people saw him.
David spun his way towards the mountain outside the city,
David spun his way to the tallest peak and shouted louder than the wind,
louder than the roar of the oceans,
louder than the crack of the thunder,
" I AM DAVID JONES AND I AM A SPINNER NOT A WHIZZER!"
and he spun,
and spun
and spun.
David smiled the largest smile that had ever been smiled,
David cried the loudest cry that had ever been cried,
David laughed the loudest laugh that had ever been laughed
and he spun.
An enormous hurricane began to form around him,
the winds changed as he spun,
the clouds cleared as he spun
and for the first time the massive rock was visible to all.
David spun faster and faster
and the hurricane grew upwards from him until it reached the terrible rock,
the rock moved,
the rock turned
and now the rock spun
and David spun.
The rock was pulled down into the hurricane.
The crunching and cracking sounds could be heard from all the corners of the world,
They grew and grew,
crunching louder and louder,
until.
They stopped.
The wind began to slow,
the hurricane slowly disappeared
and a funnel of dust exploded out covering everything around.
The whizzers emerged from their homes,
everything was quiet.
They made their way up to the mountain,
up to the peak.
There was nothing there.
A hole roughly 1 meter deep and perfectly round was all that could be seen.
David Jones had gone.
There is a statue of him now,
one in each city in fact.
"This is David Jones who was a spinner"
is what it says on the plaques as it slowly spins for all to see.
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Friday, 9 November 2012
I didnt bob.
First of all.
I didn't bob for no god damn apples! Nowhere had any apple bobbing for my to join in. I don't have any apples at home just now so when I get there I will have to make do with bobbing for some carrots in the sink. That isn't a euphemism for ... you know.."bobbing".., if it were I would have probably done this => I will have to make do with "BOBBING" for some "CARROTS" in "THE SINK", slightly less subtle I admit but since it wasn't a euphemism I ain't losin no sleep over it.
It comes to a point when I notice that Mr. Tummytum needs to decrease a little bit and I have came to that point.
I am very happy with my shape and size, also very comfortable and quite healthy I would say, but recent events make me want to trim down a tad.
First point - I am currently doing a show which has come to involve having a calender made to accompany it and so I am in this calender. Now it does involve the lack of clothes in the photo and since people were going to be looking I thought this would be a good time to trim and slim and eat less chocolate - (I chocking love chocolate)
Second point - top button. The top button of my jeans, bloody thing.
- I do want to point out that they weren't expensive jeans, some of the seams are already slightly loose and I have only had them a few months, just bear that in mind as you continue. -
My jeans fit fine and don't fall off when I am not wearing a belt but you know when you have been sitting down and lounging and they move slightly higher - closer to your belly button, well they did that and then I sat up and leaned forward so naturally my tummy pushed against the front of the jeans and it broke. The little metal button that goes through eye of fabric broke. If you know the design of these buttons you will know that there is a sharp nail-like part that comes through and then the front part attaches to that like so............
But the spike on the rivet goes through the jeans first then into the pin and that is what hold it together. You get it now?
Well that popped in two meaning the rivet and the button were separate :(
You can easily re-attach then by pushing them together but now, now you see there is a weakness and every time the jeans pull on it they pop in to two.
It might be helping because as I am wearing them I walk around holding my stomach in which feels like its working the muscles, but I doubt it really has an effect at all.
So to combat this I thought "first of all I shall half my food intake and do more exercise" so I did. It worked fine, I didn't starve myself, I didn't overwork myself and overall I feel a bit better.
But then, your sitting down and you sneeze - pop button in half, curse you weakened rivet, oooh.
Did I mention I love chocolate? I did? *sigh* well I do. I decided to only have one piece of chocolate a day, and I made sure it was a nice dark chocolate. I did think of lying to myself and eating a massive bar and saying "yep, that was only one piece" but I didn't. I stayed strong.
I do love chocolate.
I managed really well and mostly still am.
The point I am really aiming to make out of this whole blurble is that as I sit here at work there is a tray of confectionery in front of me and its Friday so guess what? I bought a chuffing bar of choccy. And do you know what else? It was a regular size 49g dairy milk bar, there was a smaller thinner one there but I openly said to it - "piss off, its friday and you...are...smaaall".
I didn't eat it straight away, I just opened it right up and set it down under my nose and all I could do was smell it. Then after a while you break one bit off and smell it, go to put it in your mouth but DON'T! put it back down where it was and wait. (I am recommending you all try this). What happens is that after the anticipation of wanting to eat it and the physical act of lifting it to your mouth your body just expects to eat it. The smell starts you salivating but as you stop yourself eating it you feel a pull in your jowls or whatever they are. Its like a really sweet bit of lime - find a bar that does a nice Chamaretto Sours, that gives the same effect but after you have drank it rather than before you have eaten it.
So after you have done that lift, replace and wait you can eat it. I managed to do this with two pieces before I just jammed the rest in.
There are so many additives and crazy stuff in dairy milk, if you by proper hand made chocolate from a good local shop (there is one very near me.... chooooocolaaate) it tastes amazing but doesn't give you that buzzyness you seem to get from this stuff. ZING.
Anyway, what I am saying is, I am not supposed top be eating a lot of chocolate but it was Friday, it was there and I bloody ate it. Viva La Chocolat! Blummin' Yum and all that.
A A
I didn't bob for no god damn apples! Nowhere had any apple bobbing for my to join in. I don't have any apples at home just now so when I get there I will have to make do with bobbing for some carrots in the sink. That isn't a euphemism for ... you know.."bobbing".., if it were I would have probably done this => I will have to make do with "BOBBING" for some "CARROTS" in "THE SINK", slightly less subtle I admit but since it wasn't a euphemism I ain't losin no sleep over it.
It comes to a point when I notice that Mr. Tummytum needs to decrease a little bit and I have came to that point.
I am very happy with my shape and size, also very comfortable and quite healthy I would say, but recent events make me want to trim down a tad.
First point - I am currently doing a show which has come to involve having a calender made to accompany it and so I am in this calender. Now it does involve the lack of clothes in the photo and since people were going to be looking I thought this would be a good time to trim and slim and eat less chocolate - (I chocking love chocolate)
Second point - top button. The top button of my jeans, bloody thing.
- I do want to point out that they weren't expensive jeans, some of the seams are already slightly loose and I have only had them a few months, just bear that in mind as you continue. -
My jeans fit fine and don't fall off when I am not wearing a belt but you know when you have been sitting down and lounging and they move slightly higher - closer to your belly button, well they did that and then I sat up and leaned forward so naturally my tummy pushed against the front of the jeans and it broke. The little metal button that goes through eye of fabric broke. If you know the design of these buttons you will know that there is a sharp nail-like part that comes through and then the front part attaches to that like so............
Well that popped in two meaning the rivet and the button were separate :(
You can easily re-attach then by pushing them together but now, now you see there is a weakness and every time the jeans pull on it they pop in to two.
It might be helping because as I am wearing them I walk around holding my stomach in which feels like its working the muscles, but I doubt it really has an effect at all.
So to combat this I thought "first of all I shall half my food intake and do more exercise" so I did. It worked fine, I didn't starve myself, I didn't overwork myself and overall I feel a bit better.
But then, your sitting down and you sneeze - pop button in half, curse you weakened rivet, oooh.
Did I mention I love chocolate? I did? *sigh* well I do. I decided to only have one piece of chocolate a day, and I made sure it was a nice dark chocolate. I did think of lying to myself and eating a massive bar and saying "yep, that was only one piece" but I didn't. I stayed strong.
I do love chocolate.
I managed really well and mostly still am.
The point I am really aiming to make out of this whole blurble is that as I sit here at work there is a tray of confectionery in front of me and its Friday so guess what? I bought a chuffing bar of choccy. And do you know what else? It was a regular size 49g dairy milk bar, there was a smaller thinner one there but I openly said to it - "piss off, its friday and you...are...smaaall".
I didn't eat it straight away, I just opened it right up and set it down under my nose and all I could do was smell it. Then after a while you break one bit off and smell it, go to put it in your mouth but DON'T! put it back down where it was and wait. (I am recommending you all try this). What happens is that after the anticipation of wanting to eat it and the physical act of lifting it to your mouth your body just expects to eat it. The smell starts you salivating but as you stop yourself eating it you feel a pull in your jowls or whatever they are. Its like a really sweet bit of lime - find a bar that does a nice Chamaretto Sours, that gives the same effect but after you have drank it rather than before you have eaten it.
So after you have done that lift, replace and wait you can eat it. I managed to do this with two pieces before I just jammed the rest in.
There are so many additives and crazy stuff in dairy milk, if you by proper hand made chocolate from a good local shop (there is one very near me.... chooooocolaaate) it tastes amazing but doesn't give you that buzzyness you seem to get from this stuff. ZING.
Anyway, what I am saying is, I am not supposed top be eating a lot of chocolate but it was Friday, it was there and I bloody ate it. Viva La Chocolat! Blummin' Yum and all that.
A A
Thursday, 1 November 2012
Straight outa Faceworld
I do swear a lot in this one.
Right Subject 1. Star Wars sold to Disney, this IS the worst news about Star Wars. So why am I seeing articles by rather young looking people saying it is actually good news for star wars fans. This little prick could not have been around before the pile of shite that was episode 1. If it was such good news why is everyone saying what a fuckin disaster it is, if it was good news we wouldn't need to be told " Hey, this is good news" we could see it for ourselves. If something happens to any product and the majority of the fans think it is a shit move then, guess what - Its a shit move and NOT good news for the fans.
Yes, Disney has bucket loads of cash and can revamp anything but look at what happened when the new trilogy came along Episodes 1,2 and 3 were amazing looking, the technology and cities were astounding and every film increased in technological advancement and R2D2 could fuckin fly. Then we take a step into the future - Episode 4, 5 and 6 and..... everything looks shit in comparison, Jedi's cant fight with any kind of style - fair enough they have been out of practice but they look like they can hardly hold that beam of light, the real ships and backgrounds look fake compared to the fake ones from Ep 1,2 and 3 and R2D2.... R2D2 is practically some drunken hobo in a special bin whizzing around like who-the-fuck-knows what.
I am not against the fact that it is Disney that has bought it, just look at any Disney Pixar film, they make good films, very very good family films, it is the fact that any company with all the big bucks taking over the project that was created by George back in the 70's will fuck it up with modern techniques. That's another thing, All these people who are saying how good it is to take it out of his hands can get to fuck. He created it, yes he can do what he likes with it but those first 3 were epic at the time and the best option would be to start from scratch. Things change. I mean, Heath Ledgers Joker was the greatest thing we had seen for some time and people were saying stuff like " Haha Jack Nicholson, bet he wished he had done that" and other things similar but if you look at Jacks performance it is superb, it is actually closer to the comic book character of The Joker. Heaths performance was so great because it was The Joker for our modern day and I absolutely loved it. The difference is the time, at the time of Jack that was the Joker but in our time Heath was the Joker and in the future, who knows, it could be Zac Efron and people would go ape shit over how good it was.
My point being, If they make episode 7 it is going to destroy the original trilogy even more 1,2,3 super technology, 4,5,6 back to the 70's, 7 onwards even superer technological. And who is going to play Luke and Han and Leia because it sure as hell ain't gonna be Mark, Han and Carrie.
I say give it to someone like Del Toro and start from the beginning.
Subject 2 (the controversial bastard subject)
Jimmy Saville. I DO NOT CONDONE WHAT HE DID, get that straight now. But he got away with it and he did because of who he was.
All these witnesses who are appearing now saying "I saw Jimmy doing this...", "I saw Jimmy going here with so and so", "I saw Jimmy taking people to ....", "Here is a video of Jimmy doing whatever with Whoever" Why didn't you say anything?
Why? Because it was mutha-fuckin Sir Jimmy Saville. He was a huge celebrity, who the fuck was going to tell on him, anyone who was close to him loved him and anyone who didn't care about him didn't know what he was doing anyway. It's like if you get caught in the street with a spec of whatever-drug-you-have at the time and you are completely fucked over and your life is ruined forever. But if you are a celebrity, oh if only you were a celebrity, you could parade around with whatever drugs you like hanging out your arsehole while you danced naked down the street thinking you were in the wizard of fuckin Oz and no one would do anything. How many times do you see news on celebrityX off their face again, or abusing whoever, drugged out their tits with celebrityY over and over again. Oh, celebrityA and B back in rehab, out of rehab, back in rehab. Take their fuckin drugs off them and stop giving them money or let everyone else do the same, if its illegal for people with no money its illegal for people with shit loads of money.... or are the government making money out of this? Is it illegal for the poor because they aren't making any profit from it.
Celebrities get away with everything because of who they are but every now and then, they need a scapegoat/fall guy to blame for some terrible act that happens. They distract you from one disaster with another. Whatever happened about all those thousands of birds and fish that were found dead one January? They don't know so a bigger news story was plastered everywhere.
Christ if some famous person asked me to do something, I would at least consider it.
"...and he smiled like the old Pumpkin King that I knew,
then turned and asked softly of me... wouldn't you?"
A A
Right Subject 1. Star Wars sold to Disney, this IS the worst news about Star Wars. So why am I seeing articles by rather young looking people saying it is actually good news for star wars fans. This little prick could not have been around before the pile of shite that was episode 1. If it was such good news why is everyone saying what a fuckin disaster it is, if it was good news we wouldn't need to be told " Hey, this is good news" we could see it for ourselves. If something happens to any product and the majority of the fans think it is a shit move then, guess what - Its a shit move and NOT good news for the fans.
Yes, Disney has bucket loads of cash and can revamp anything but look at what happened when the new trilogy came along Episodes 1,2 and 3 were amazing looking, the technology and cities were astounding and every film increased in technological advancement and R2D2 could fuckin fly. Then we take a step into the future - Episode 4, 5 and 6 and..... everything looks shit in comparison, Jedi's cant fight with any kind of style - fair enough they have been out of practice but they look like they can hardly hold that beam of light, the real ships and backgrounds look fake compared to the fake ones from Ep 1,2 and 3 and R2D2.... R2D2 is practically some drunken hobo in a special bin whizzing around like who-the-fuck-knows what.
I am not against the fact that it is Disney that has bought it, just look at any Disney Pixar film, they make good films, very very good family films, it is the fact that any company with all the big bucks taking over the project that was created by George back in the 70's will fuck it up with modern techniques. That's another thing, All these people who are saying how good it is to take it out of his hands can get to fuck. He created it, yes he can do what he likes with it but those first 3 were epic at the time and the best option would be to start from scratch. Things change. I mean, Heath Ledgers Joker was the greatest thing we had seen for some time and people were saying stuff like " Haha Jack Nicholson, bet he wished he had done that" and other things similar but if you look at Jacks performance it is superb, it is actually closer to the comic book character of The Joker. Heaths performance was so great because it was The Joker for our modern day and I absolutely loved it. The difference is the time, at the time of Jack that was the Joker but in our time Heath was the Joker and in the future, who knows, it could be Zac Efron and people would go ape shit over how good it was.
My point being, If they make episode 7 it is going to destroy the original trilogy even more 1,2,3 super technology, 4,5,6 back to the 70's, 7 onwards even superer technological. And who is going to play Luke and Han and Leia because it sure as hell ain't gonna be Mark, Han and Carrie.
I say give it to someone like Del Toro and start from the beginning.
Subject 2 (the controversial bastard subject)
Jimmy Saville. I DO NOT CONDONE WHAT HE DID, get that straight now. But he got away with it and he did because of who he was.
All these witnesses who are appearing now saying "I saw Jimmy doing this...", "I saw Jimmy going here with so and so", "I saw Jimmy taking people to ....", "Here is a video of Jimmy doing whatever with Whoever" Why didn't you say anything?
Why? Because it was mutha-fuckin Sir Jimmy Saville. He was a huge celebrity, who the fuck was going to tell on him, anyone who was close to him loved him and anyone who didn't care about him didn't know what he was doing anyway. It's like if you get caught in the street with a spec of whatever-drug-you-have at the time and you are completely fucked over and your life is ruined forever. But if you are a celebrity, oh if only you were a celebrity, you could parade around with whatever drugs you like hanging out your arsehole while you danced naked down the street thinking you were in the wizard of fuckin Oz and no one would do anything. How many times do you see news on celebrityX off their face again, or abusing whoever, drugged out their tits with celebrityY over and over again. Oh, celebrityA and B back in rehab, out of rehab, back in rehab. Take their fuckin drugs off them and stop giving them money or let everyone else do the same, if its illegal for people with no money its illegal for people with shit loads of money.... or are the government making money out of this? Is it illegal for the poor because they aren't making any profit from it.
Celebrities get away with everything because of who they are but every now and then, they need a scapegoat/fall guy to blame for some terrible act that happens. They distract you from one disaster with another. Whatever happened about all those thousands of birds and fish that were found dead one January? They don't know so a bigger news story was plastered everywhere.
Christ if some famous person asked me to do something, I would at least consider it.
"...and he smiled like the old Pumpkin King that I knew,
then turned and asked softly of me... wouldn't you?"
A A
Tuesday, 30 October 2012
It still smells like turnip after 2 days.
It is the day before Halloween. You probably knew that though, unless you are reading this after today then -
I am writing this And it is the day before Halloween.
I always loved Halloween but I never liked people knocking on my door and I never liked knocking on other peoples doors. I loved dressing up and going to parties, and playing games (I need to make sure I bob for apples this year!)
The dressing up bit was the best, when you are little you can run around giggling and shouting thinking how much fun it is, now I run around roaring and thinking how cool I feel.
But, like all things, Halloween has changed... a lot. We have become the American form of Halloween. Which isn't all bad, the spirit of it has grown beyond belief.
When I was little I remember going out and singing at doors to get either sweets or money and I am sure it involved a guy for bonfire night too. Now you get shit costumed kids saying trick or treat... fuck that... Trick! now what? They want CANDY, not sweets. Well I got sweets for those who earn it, be it through brilliant costumes or some kind of song or something.
I do have one trick though, its very Halloween themed, I swing a large gothic axe at their arms and as if by magic they don't fall off..... I am not very good at it.
As for the adult part of Halloween. MY GOD, I love getting dressed up, zombies are the best option. They are gruesome, scary and travel in packs, a herd of shambling, grunting, rotting, flesh eating monsters. Although you can do some other very cool ones, proper Vampires, Werewolves etc, the classics never go wrong. And Adult Halloween parties (not the kind you probably get when you google search those words, unless thats what you are in to) You can get dressed up and get drunk, then you really think you are what you came dressed as. But you go the whole hog to be a frightening costume, a real spirit of the dead. Do you think that some of the crap costumes are ACTUAL monsters coming to play with us? They just wear crapper costumes so we don't talk to them?
But what do the women wear? Hmmmm lets search for female Halloween costume... right Vampire for the Men... Sexy female Vampire for the girls. Ghost for the men... Sexy Skimpy Ghost for the girls. Werewolf for the Men... Sexy dog/animal girl for the ladies. A cool scary costume for the Men... Slut Slut Sluttison for the girls.
Now, I do know a lot of women who make a fuckin brilliant effort for costumes but I have seen some tarty tart crap in my experience. Yes, some women who are the right shape will look very attractive but its the mind set that comes with it, the do eyed, ditzy, everybody-look-at-me, mutha fuckin bimbo-ness that radiates from them and hangs like a floating snail-trail wherever they shuffle.
I work in a bar and these kinds of people dress like that even when it isn't Halloween, the short skirts, high-heels tottering around like the floor is covered in crabs, they never buy there own drinks and travel in small packs of testosterone hungry man sponges. Yup, that's how I think of them.
Anyway, it isn't just the women, you get guys doing it too. I saw a costume that was a giant condom packet, that was all it was. It said something like XXXXL condom. I look at that and I think " there is something a lot like a penis in his pants, only it's much much smaller." All those people, the ones who wear t-shirts of sexy girls kissing or semi clad ladies who look like they have been frozen solid while being electrocuted (you know the ones in the awkward poses with very blank or confused looks on their faces with their hair all messy) or have slogans like "King of Sex" or "I have the Biggest Penis in the World" where what they actually mean is " I am a complete Knob" or in more detail " I am a single conciousness being who is completely blind to others and the workings of this world. I am one of those people who has no understandings of social image in person or in respect to others and through my actions, along with many others, the world is rather quickly becoming a more stupid place than it already was." or TWAT for short. Those people are the ones who wear Halloween costumes that usually piss me off.
Back to the Zombies, they have unfortunately become the hipsters of the monster world. Everyone wants be a zombie because its cool, everyone wants a zombie apocalypse because its cool.
I find zombies cool, but a kind of feel that all this new age zombieness has missed the point, its like film remakes - wow, they look good but you have kind of missed the point.
Evil Dead - and all round sigh please 1.. 2.. 3...*sigh*
I have now seen the trailer for the remake of The Evil Dead, it looks stunning! I am always stunned at the amount of shiny CG you can get into a film, I love that the biggest reactions you get from seeing most films now is "Wow, It looked so real!" What happened during the film to make you think, that's fake but it looked so real? We all do it, in our heads we know its fake but we still give our own little victory when we think, it looked like it was real. The original Evil Dead looked real because it was, they were props and puppets and real locations and from what I heard real fear and blood at some points. That is what made that film great and that is why it became a cult movie. I am sure the new one will do well but I don't see why they didn't just call it Generic Teens Alone In The Forest With Monsters. If you are going to remake something, you have to capture the feeling of the original too, I doubt they will be able to make 2 and 3 after seeing just the trailer, It doesn't have the look of it. The only things I can see going for it will be people getting it mixed up with Evil Dead 2 and expect to see Ash (the lord of deadites) with his chainsaw hand and Boomstick because in the trailer you see a girl shop her hand off with a electric carving knife or because The first Evil Dead film has that ever popular scene with the tree... that tree... what a git. I want to see it, but I very highly doubt I will enjoy it.
Someone's in my fruit cellar, someone with a fresh soul. DEAD BY DAWN! DEAD BY DAWN!
Happy Halloween.
Bobbing for apples is great and all that but if you come to the party with an amazing face of make up and all the cool trimmings, its gonna come off when you come up with an apple in your mouth. I always just shoved my head all the way to the bottom of the bowl, is that allowed? Soaked, but I had an apple, I found wet apples tasted better.
I might just wear vampire fangs all day tomorrow and try to hide them so people think I am an actual vampire.
A A
I am writing this And it is the day before Halloween.
I always loved Halloween but I never liked people knocking on my door and I never liked knocking on other peoples doors. I loved dressing up and going to parties, and playing games (I need to make sure I bob for apples this year!)
The dressing up bit was the best, when you are little you can run around giggling and shouting thinking how much fun it is, now I run around roaring and thinking how cool I feel.
But, like all things, Halloween has changed... a lot. We have become the American form of Halloween. Which isn't all bad, the spirit of it has grown beyond belief.
When I was little I remember going out and singing at doors to get either sweets or money and I am sure it involved a guy for bonfire night too. Now you get shit costumed kids saying trick or treat... fuck that... Trick! now what? They want CANDY, not sweets. Well I got sweets for those who earn it, be it through brilliant costumes or some kind of song or something.
I do have one trick though, its very Halloween themed, I swing a large gothic axe at their arms and as if by magic they don't fall off..... I am not very good at it.
As for the adult part of Halloween. MY GOD, I love getting dressed up, zombies are the best option. They are gruesome, scary and travel in packs, a herd of shambling, grunting, rotting, flesh eating monsters. Although you can do some other very cool ones, proper Vampires, Werewolves etc, the classics never go wrong. And Adult Halloween parties (not the kind you probably get when you google search those words, unless thats what you are in to) You can get dressed up and get drunk, then you really think you are what you came dressed as. But you go the whole hog to be a frightening costume, a real spirit of the dead. Do you think that some of the crap costumes are ACTUAL monsters coming to play with us? They just wear crapper costumes so we don't talk to them?
But what do the women wear? Hmmmm lets search for female Halloween costume... right Vampire for the Men... Sexy female Vampire for the girls. Ghost for the men... Sexy Skimpy Ghost for the girls. Werewolf for the Men... Sexy dog/animal girl for the ladies. A cool scary costume for the Men... Slut Slut Sluttison for the girls.
Now, I do know a lot of women who make a fuckin brilliant effort for costumes but I have seen some tarty tart crap in my experience. Yes, some women who are the right shape will look very attractive but its the mind set that comes with it, the do eyed, ditzy, everybody-look-at-me, mutha fuckin bimbo-ness that radiates from them and hangs like a floating snail-trail wherever they shuffle.
I work in a bar and these kinds of people dress like that even when it isn't Halloween, the short skirts, high-heels tottering around like the floor is covered in crabs, they never buy there own drinks and travel in small packs of testosterone hungry man sponges. Yup, that's how I think of them.
Anyway, it isn't just the women, you get guys doing it too. I saw a costume that was a giant condom packet, that was all it was. It said something like XXXXL condom. I look at that and I think " there is something a lot like a penis in his pants, only it's much much smaller." All those people, the ones who wear t-shirts of sexy girls kissing or semi clad ladies who look like they have been frozen solid while being electrocuted (you know the ones in the awkward poses with very blank or confused looks on their faces with their hair all messy) or have slogans like "King of Sex" or "I have the Biggest Penis in the World" where what they actually mean is " I am a complete Knob" or in more detail " I am a single conciousness being who is completely blind to others and the workings of this world. I am one of those people who has no understandings of social image in person or in respect to others and through my actions, along with many others, the world is rather quickly becoming a more stupid place than it already was." or TWAT for short. Those people are the ones who wear Halloween costumes that usually piss me off.
Back to the Zombies, they have unfortunately become the hipsters of the monster world. Everyone wants be a zombie because its cool, everyone wants a zombie apocalypse because its cool.
I find zombies cool, but a kind of feel that all this new age zombieness has missed the point, its like film remakes - wow, they look good but you have kind of missed the point.
Evil Dead - and all round sigh please 1.. 2.. 3...*sigh*
I have now seen the trailer for the remake of The Evil Dead, it looks stunning! I am always stunned at the amount of shiny CG you can get into a film, I love that the biggest reactions you get from seeing most films now is "Wow, It looked so real!" What happened during the film to make you think, that's fake but it looked so real? We all do it, in our heads we know its fake but we still give our own little victory when we think, it looked like it was real. The original Evil Dead looked real because it was, they were props and puppets and real locations and from what I heard real fear and blood at some points. That is what made that film great and that is why it became a cult movie. I am sure the new one will do well but I don't see why they didn't just call it Generic Teens Alone In The Forest With Monsters. If you are going to remake something, you have to capture the feeling of the original too, I doubt they will be able to make 2 and 3 after seeing just the trailer, It doesn't have the look of it. The only things I can see going for it will be people getting it mixed up with Evil Dead 2 and expect to see Ash (the lord of deadites) with his chainsaw hand and Boomstick because in the trailer you see a girl shop her hand off with a electric carving knife or because The first Evil Dead film has that ever popular scene with the tree... that tree... what a git. I want to see it, but I very highly doubt I will enjoy it.
Someone's in my fruit cellar, someone with a fresh soul. DEAD BY DAWN! DEAD BY DAWN!
Happy Halloween.
Bobbing for apples is great and all that but if you come to the party with an amazing face of make up and all the cool trimmings, its gonna come off when you come up with an apple in your mouth. I always just shoved my head all the way to the bottom of the bowl, is that allowed? Soaked, but I had an apple, I found wet apples tasted better.
I might just wear vampire fangs all day tomorrow and try to hide them so people think I am an actual vampire.
A A
Monday, 22 October 2012
It's just frightening
Why oh why do mornings have to be so difficult?
You go to the trouble of getting the most comfortable bed for the best night sleep, even go to the trouble of putting yourself into it at a very reasonable time (since it was a Sunday night) and you wake up in the morning still very tired.
Yes, my Sunday was quite a busy one I was dancing in the morning then carrying and breaking logs in the afternoon (very manly feeling, they were heavy. The log part was notably more manly feeling than the dancing part but both quite actively tiring.) A good dinner then a relax on the sofa then sleep.
Now, morning comes along and a good interupted sleep is behind me but I want more....
And now the fact of a comfy bed, all beds are comfy, hell a cushion on the floor is comfy enough to sleep on but there is nowhere better than tucked up in a warm cosy bed on a cold morning. This is what I don't like, the comfyness and warmth when you neeeed to get up. Just 5 more minutes. Not necessarily 5 minutes to get more sleep, just 5 more minutes of bed before the cold reality of the world prickles your being into a goosebumped hobbling thing trying to clothe itself in any portable warmth and comfort there is around instead of the necessary daytime attire needed for that day.
But its never just 5 minutes, its 5, then 10, then 20 and then you are close to possibly ending up being late.
Curse you comfy beds, but only in the morning.
Now due to the height of my sleeping whereabouts at the minute I can actually just roll out of bed and onto the floor as a horrible quick wake up (usually after the 20 minutes I mentioned before and also the iclusion of a few alarms going off too) but a new bed is coming this week and I will be back on a proper matteress with, I am guessing, more comfort and a longer drop off the side to the floor. I do not know how I am going to get up now.
Also I found myself very comfortably sitting on the sofa today and then as a result maybe just nodding off for a bit. I don't really like naps during the day, they make me feel like its a whole new day and that I have missed what I did in the morning. I also don't like them because midday is usually a good time for people to call you.
Now if you are sleeping its usually nighttime and if someone calls you at night its usually an emergency. So, if some one calls me during the day and I am asleep I will most likely get a fright and answer the phone in a panicky state. On this ocassion it was a semi-important phone call from a business but it was someone that I knew.
They always sound surprised when you answer a phone with "Hello XX, are you alright?" With a slightly dopey sound in your voice at 1.15 in the afternoon.
You can always fess up, but I find the shock inside me is still too much and I can't help but feel I must try to continue unnoticed. It's like trying to convince your parents you aren't drunk, or anyone for that matter. You think for sure that they know and that at any minute they will furrow their quizical look even further and come out with "are you drunk?" And the situation turns back to the own up, deny it or pretend they didn't ask moment from the telephone call.
So to make it clear, I am not drunk at midday on a Monday, I sat down and had an unwanted, unexpected nap and was woken up by a telephone call. I am not even sure how long I was asleep.
Happy sleeping, whenever or wherever you have it.
Todays blog was brought to you by the words comfort/comfy/comfortable, sleep and the use of brackets.
A A
You go to the trouble of getting the most comfortable bed for the best night sleep, even go to the trouble of putting yourself into it at a very reasonable time (since it was a Sunday night) and you wake up in the morning still very tired.
Yes, my Sunday was quite a busy one I was dancing in the morning then carrying and breaking logs in the afternoon (very manly feeling, they were heavy. The log part was notably more manly feeling than the dancing part but both quite actively tiring.) A good dinner then a relax on the sofa then sleep.
Now, morning comes along and a good interupted sleep is behind me but I want more....
And now the fact of a comfy bed, all beds are comfy, hell a cushion on the floor is comfy enough to sleep on but there is nowhere better than tucked up in a warm cosy bed on a cold morning. This is what I don't like, the comfyness and warmth when you neeeed to get up. Just 5 more minutes. Not necessarily 5 minutes to get more sleep, just 5 more minutes of bed before the cold reality of the world prickles your being into a goosebumped hobbling thing trying to clothe itself in any portable warmth and comfort there is around instead of the necessary daytime attire needed for that day.
But its never just 5 minutes, its 5, then 10, then 20 and then you are close to possibly ending up being late.
Curse you comfy beds, but only in the morning.
Now due to the height of my sleeping whereabouts at the minute I can actually just roll out of bed and onto the floor as a horrible quick wake up (usually after the 20 minutes I mentioned before and also the iclusion of a few alarms going off too) but a new bed is coming this week and I will be back on a proper matteress with, I am guessing, more comfort and a longer drop off the side to the floor. I do not know how I am going to get up now.
Also I found myself very comfortably sitting on the sofa today and then as a result maybe just nodding off for a bit. I don't really like naps during the day, they make me feel like its a whole new day and that I have missed what I did in the morning. I also don't like them because midday is usually a good time for people to call you.
Now if you are sleeping its usually nighttime and if someone calls you at night its usually an emergency. So, if some one calls me during the day and I am asleep I will most likely get a fright and answer the phone in a panicky state. On this ocassion it was a semi-important phone call from a business but it was someone that I knew.
They always sound surprised when you answer a phone with "Hello XX, are you alright?" With a slightly dopey sound in your voice at 1.15 in the afternoon.
You can always fess up, but I find the shock inside me is still too much and I can't help but feel I must try to continue unnoticed. It's like trying to convince your parents you aren't drunk, or anyone for that matter. You think for sure that they know and that at any minute they will furrow their quizical look even further and come out with "are you drunk?" And the situation turns back to the own up, deny it or pretend they didn't ask moment from the telephone call.
So to make it clear, I am not drunk at midday on a Monday, I sat down and had an unwanted, unexpected nap and was woken up by a telephone call. I am not even sure how long I was asleep.
Happy sleeping, whenever or wherever you have it.
Todays blog was brought to you by the words comfort/comfy/comfortable, sleep and the use of brackets.
A A
Friday, 19 October 2012
Oh No, It's everywhere.
Hello.
Now, I would usually start ranting at about this point but to be honest I have found far too much crap in the news that I cant really pick one subject to go on about. I actually found myself looking the other way instead of venting my rage into words for all to gaze upon and think "what a-da fook ees he on aboot".
So I am going to just blurb today. (Please note I am still very angry with everything - The BNP exist, ((most)) film makers are in it for the dosh not because they have a story to tell us, we eat too much sugars, we don't eat enough sugars, we have too much sex, we have too little sex, someone messed up their job, criminals are actually all right, the law is wrong bla bla bla and rant. But not today!
Today I am going to go into other things.
I have been using blogger as a great place to write a story, I found that if I was ranting I never really planned any of it, it just flowed out like a rage-filled... word...spurter... thing. So I thought I would try that with writing a story. It has been a long time since I did any writing, I think school was the last time I wrote anything in its entirety and I found the ideas flowed as easy as ranting. The problem I did find was that whenever I came to a persons name or a place name or any detail like that, my flow was stopped completely dead. and I scrapped the story. I have done this about 3 times now and eventually got the idea I am using now - No names, No place names.
"That is a terrible idea! How can nothing have a name?" I (predict to) hear you cry. Well fear not, it doesn't mean that. What I am doing in this story is using just the letter X for names. At first this was fine until more than one person was mentioned so I have developed a system. The main character is X0, his parents are X0mum and X0dad. The city he lives in is Xplace1 and anyone else will be something like X1enemytoX0 or X5petofX1. I am hoping it works out okay and I don't get too muddled up with who everyone is. But, the main point I have found with doing it this way is I can write for quite a while with no mental blocks and the ideas flow just like a rant. I do get sidetracked in the story itself but I think that fits in with the style of it and I am hoping to get a good chunk added to it soon.
I may post chapters on here as I do them or I may wait until I get to some kind of conclusion but we shall see how it goes.
I also wanted to point out how useful it is doing it as a blog. I can access it from any computer or even from my phone when I have an idea, note it down at the bottom and its saved online for me to access from wherever I want. Woo hoo, and all that.
In other news,
I recently found my old hard drive and plugged it in to get a document off (I don't mean documents get their kicks out of hard drives being plugged in, I meant to remove a file from it. You never know though, who can say what documents get up to in their own time). AND I decided to have a look through my music files. There was quite a lot. The thing I found was the main music directory with all the playlists in but then separate sub folders with lists of the actual songs in. Instead of organising them, any music I got at a certain time went into a folder with a name like "new Music", "More new Music", Music Temp" and so on. The great thing I found was that as I looked through the lists of songs for each folder I could remember what was happening in my life at around that time, one list reminded me of Uni, One of before I had went another from living in different places. I could remember things I hadn't thought about since that time, we never truly forget anything, we just need the right trigger to re-awaken the memory. I think they say smell is the best trigger for memory recall, and I would have to agree. Just the slightest hint of someone's perfume that was the same as one of my primary school teachers can remind me of that person, then the classroom, then the school, then other teacher, then friends, lessons and lots of other things you did there. It also brings back such a wave of the emotions you felt at that time. Its crazy to think what you could do with the smell, the sound and a picture of a point in your past. How much detail could you recall? You see people returning to their old school many years later and all the memories that swarm back to them...
Memory, brilliant. The human brain is bloody amazing, it just boggles my brain trying to understand my brain. Can your brain understand itself? A fish doesn't know it is wet because it has never been dry. How can me know something about ourself if we haven't already known it? Urgh.... time for a lie down... and listen to some music.
A A
Now, I would usually start ranting at about this point but to be honest I have found far too much crap in the news that I cant really pick one subject to go on about. I actually found myself looking the other way instead of venting my rage into words for all to gaze upon and think "what a-da fook ees he on aboot".
So I am going to just blurb today. (Please note I am still very angry with everything - The BNP exist, ((most)) film makers are in it for the dosh not because they have a story to tell us, we eat too much sugars, we don't eat enough sugars, we have too much sex, we have too little sex, someone messed up their job, criminals are actually all right, the law is wrong bla bla bla and rant. But not today!
Today I am going to go into other things.
I have been using blogger as a great place to write a story, I found that if I was ranting I never really planned any of it, it just flowed out like a rage-filled... word...spurter... thing. So I thought I would try that with writing a story. It has been a long time since I did any writing, I think school was the last time I wrote anything in its entirety and I found the ideas flowed as easy as ranting. The problem I did find was that whenever I came to a persons name or a place name or any detail like that, my flow was stopped completely dead. and I scrapped the story. I have done this about 3 times now and eventually got the idea I am using now - No names, No place names.
"That is a terrible idea! How can nothing have a name?" I (predict to) hear you cry. Well fear not, it doesn't mean that. What I am doing in this story is using just the letter X for names. At first this was fine until more than one person was mentioned so I have developed a system. The main character is X0, his parents are X0mum and X0dad. The city he lives in is Xplace1 and anyone else will be something like X1enemytoX0 or X5petofX1. I am hoping it works out okay and I don't get too muddled up with who everyone is. But, the main point I have found with doing it this way is I can write for quite a while with no mental blocks and the ideas flow just like a rant. I do get sidetracked in the story itself but I think that fits in with the style of it and I am hoping to get a good chunk added to it soon.
I may post chapters on here as I do them or I may wait until I get to some kind of conclusion but we shall see how it goes.
I also wanted to point out how useful it is doing it as a blog. I can access it from any computer or even from my phone when I have an idea, note it down at the bottom and its saved online for me to access from wherever I want. Woo hoo, and all that.
In other news,
I recently found my old hard drive and plugged it in to get a document off (I don't mean documents get their kicks out of hard drives being plugged in, I meant to remove a file from it. You never know though, who can say what documents get up to in their own time). AND I decided to have a look through my music files. There was quite a lot. The thing I found was the main music directory with all the playlists in but then separate sub folders with lists of the actual songs in. Instead of organising them, any music I got at a certain time went into a folder with a name like "new Music", "More new Music", Music Temp" and so on. The great thing I found was that as I looked through the lists of songs for each folder I could remember what was happening in my life at around that time, one list reminded me of Uni, One of before I had went another from living in different places. I could remember things I hadn't thought about since that time, we never truly forget anything, we just need the right trigger to re-awaken the memory. I think they say smell is the best trigger for memory recall, and I would have to agree. Just the slightest hint of someone's perfume that was the same as one of my primary school teachers can remind me of that person, then the classroom, then the school, then other teacher, then friends, lessons and lots of other things you did there. It also brings back such a wave of the emotions you felt at that time. Its crazy to think what you could do with the smell, the sound and a picture of a point in your past. How much detail could you recall? You see people returning to their old school many years later and all the memories that swarm back to them...
Memory, brilliant. The human brain is bloody amazing, it just boggles my brain trying to understand my brain. Can your brain understand itself? A fish doesn't know it is wet because it has never been dry. How can me know something about ourself if we haven't already known it? Urgh.... time for a lie down... and listen to some music.
A A
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
Where am I 2
So, after creating part 2 of my laser pen dreeeeam, I decided to have a look back over earlier notes such as the point about not finding myself (no spiritual journey, and especially no video evidence of me skulking around lost on a beach deeply searching for the answers to my soul and my being upon this vast planet, centre of my universe, blacker than black, lost to oblivion, mid life crisis movie. Just couldn't find my blog by searching google)
Well I figured I would have another look since I now have more than one little bla bla blog and to my joy there I was. I searched welcometothespa, It did suggest it with spaces in but I said "no google, no, I want no spaces since that is how I first presented it to you", and after 3 Twitter accounts and 2 other things I was listed 3 times.
A litte bit of a victory for me I think... Well not really a victory more an advancement that was obviously going to happen, things grow they get noticed more. No, I think a true victory would be when you search your own full name and you are the first result even when you search google images, maps and shopping! We've all done it, if not then you should, you might be first. You never no unless you try.
It isn't difficult to turn IMPOSSIBLE into I'M POSSIBLE. (thank you gitaroo man, "the last gitaroo is mine! Can I eat it?)
I am off to buy a new copy of Gitaroo Man on whatever platform it is availble now.
A A
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