David Jones was made up the stuff that makes you spin,
Everyone else was made up of the stuff that makes you whizz.
It is never easy being the only spinner in a whizzing world
but David tried hard to blend in and carry on.
He got a job in a wool business spinning wool,
"if he couldn't spin himself he could spin something else" he thought.
As all the other workers whizzed along spinning their wool
David spun along spinning his wool and naturally he was the best at this.
Soon he was offered the title of Head of Wool Spinning,
he would be the man in charge of the business,
he would sit in his office and overlook the other spinners.
David declined the offer,
too much whizz for him.
How could he sit there spinning himself while whizzers tried to spin for real.
No one knew he was not a whizzer,
how could they understand that he was completely different from them.
A fish does not know it is wet because it has never been dry.
A whizzer does not know it whizzes because it has never spun.
After his job in the wool business David moved onto bigger things,
he danced,
he spun plates,
he made candy floss,
he made pizza,
he was a D J,
he did everything he found that made use of his spinning
but he was never satisfied.
They always felt like unfinished tasks
like the unspoonable dregs of soup in the bottom of the bowl,
like the last slurp of a milkshake in the glass that the straw just wouldn't suck up.
David felt incomplete,
everyday felt like the gurgle of an empty stomach even though he was full.
David was not alone,
David had many friends,
David was loved by everyone he met.
Whizzers were drawn to him,
they revelled in his company,
intrigued by something they didn't know they didn't know.
David couldn't describe to them what he was,
he rarely tried because it was confusing.
How can you tell someone who whizzes how it feels to not whizz
how could they understand how it was to be what they are not.
So,
unfulfilled,
David continued his life spinning with the whizzers.
He met Joanne Davids,
A whizzer who worked in a garage fixing cars.
They lived together but were never married.
As David grew older he accepted he was different,
he kept his spinning to himself,
trying to live as the others do,
trying to whiz with everyone else.
Every night and every morning David would go into the bathroom,
away from everyone else
and he would just spin on the spot quietly for a few minutes.
His hunger was fed but not filled.
One September the weather became very different from the usual,
the clouds rolled like black lava,
the rain cascaded from the sky,
the seas tumbled like huge moving mountains
and the thunder could be felt from the deepest depths of peoples being.
Astronomers announced that
"a meteor capable of destroying the earth is headed straight for us"
They had been tracking it for a long time
but solar winds had re-directed it.
Now the whizzers all did what they knew they could do,
they whizzed to help here,
they whizzed to help there,
they whizzed to fix this
and they whizzed to fix that.
Everyone got what they needed because they all whizzed together.
But the rock was still heading towards them
and the rain came harder.
They whizzed to build this
and that,
and move this
and that.
Everyone was safe and protected.
But the rock was still heading towards them
and the thunder boomed louder.
They whizzed to create this,
to destroy that,
to save their homes.
Everyone whizzed together a mission to destroy the rock.
But the rock was still heading towards them
and the wind blew harder than ever.
As the whizzers constructed their rocket to fly into space David watched with Joanne.
All the world watched as the rocket was brought out ready to launch.
3,
2,
1...
The rocket blasted off,
heading straight and true.
But the winds were too strong,
the storm was too severe.
The rocket,
their hope,
was torn out of the sky and smashed into the ocean where it detonated with an ground shaking rumble.
The waves and echo caused by the explosion were quickly eaten up by the sound and severity of the storm.
The world waited,
The whizzers all waited
and David,
the spinner,
waited.
There was no way they could hope to get through the storm and stop that rock now.
Masses of people flocked together in one place,
being close together for the end was the best way they could think of ending.
Huge party's were had all over the world celebrating life up till this point,
if they were going to go out with a bang,
they were going to go out with a big bang.
As the time drew closer to that fateful day David felt that pull of hunger inside him
and he spun on the spot.
He spun in private and he was fed.
Thursday came,
the day when the world would begin to collapse.
David awoke next to Joanne,
David walked into the bathroom and spun.
David was not hungry,
David was a spinner and he spun.
At the moment he was full and he spun.
All was clear to him and he spun.
David went into the bedroom to wake Joanne and he spun.
" I am a spinner not a whizzer" he said
" I love you Joanne and I am sorry but I must go now" and he spun out the door.
People who were all watching the sky from their houses saw David spinning in the street.
He danced and spun,
dodging the gusts of wind and debris as if they were not there.
"I AM A SPINNER NOT A WHIZZER" he shouted.
A few whizzers tried to run to him thinking he was being swept away in the wind
but they were blown back by the gusts.
David danced through the currents
and people watched him as he made his way gracefully through the city.
"I AM A SPINNER NOT A WHIZZER" he shouted as more and more people saw him.
David spun his way towards the mountain outside the city,
David spun his way to the tallest peak and shouted louder than the wind,
louder than the roar of the oceans,
louder than the crack of the thunder,
" I AM DAVID JONES AND I AM A SPINNER NOT A WHIZZER!"
and he spun,
and spun
and spun.
David smiled the largest smile that had ever been smiled,
David cried the loudest cry that had ever been cried,
David laughed the loudest laugh that had ever been laughed
and he spun.
An enormous hurricane began to form around him,
the winds changed as he spun,
the clouds cleared as he spun
and for the first time the massive rock was visible to all.
David spun faster and faster
and the hurricane grew upwards from him until it reached the terrible rock,
the rock moved,
the rock turned
and now the rock spun
and David spun.
The rock was pulled down into the hurricane.
The crunching and cracking sounds could be heard from all the corners of the world,
They grew and grew,
crunching louder and louder,
until.
They stopped.
The wind began to slow,
the hurricane slowly disappeared
and a funnel of dust exploded out covering everything around.
The whizzers emerged from their homes,
everything was quiet.
They made their way up to the mountain,
up to the peak.
There was nothing there.
A hole roughly 1 meter deep and perfectly round was all that could be seen.
David Jones had gone.
There is a statue of him now,
one in each city in fact.
"This is David Jones who was a spinner"
is what it says on the plaques as it slowly spins for all to see.
Tuesday 13 November 2012
Friday 9 November 2012
I didnt bob.
First of all.
I didn't bob for no god damn apples! Nowhere had any apple bobbing for my to join in. I don't have any apples at home just now so when I get there I will have to make do with bobbing for some carrots in the sink. That isn't a euphemism for ... you know.."bobbing".., if it were I would have probably done this => I will have to make do with "BOBBING" for some "CARROTS" in "THE SINK", slightly less subtle I admit but since it wasn't a euphemism I ain't losin no sleep over it.
It comes to a point when I notice that Mr. Tummytum needs to decrease a little bit and I have came to that point.
I am very happy with my shape and size, also very comfortable and quite healthy I would say, but recent events make me want to trim down a tad.
First point - I am currently doing a show which has come to involve having a calender made to accompany it and so I am in this calender. Now it does involve the lack of clothes in the photo and since people were going to be looking I thought this would be a good time to trim and slim and eat less chocolate - (I chocking love chocolate)
Second point - top button. The top button of my jeans, bloody thing.
- I do want to point out that they weren't expensive jeans, some of the seams are already slightly loose and I have only had them a few months, just bear that in mind as you continue. -
My jeans fit fine and don't fall off when I am not wearing a belt but you know when you have been sitting down and lounging and they move slightly higher - closer to your belly button, well they did that and then I sat up and leaned forward so naturally my tummy pushed against the front of the jeans and it broke. The little metal button that goes through eye of fabric broke. If you know the design of these buttons you will know that there is a sharp nail-like part that comes through and then the front part attaches to that like so............
But the spike on the rivet goes through the jeans first then into the pin and that is what hold it together. You get it now?
Well that popped in two meaning the rivet and the button were separate :(
You can easily re-attach then by pushing them together but now, now you see there is a weakness and every time the jeans pull on it they pop in to two.
It might be helping because as I am wearing them I walk around holding my stomach in which feels like its working the muscles, but I doubt it really has an effect at all.
So to combat this I thought "first of all I shall half my food intake and do more exercise" so I did. It worked fine, I didn't starve myself, I didn't overwork myself and overall I feel a bit better.
But then, your sitting down and you sneeze - pop button in half, curse you weakened rivet, oooh.
Did I mention I love chocolate? I did? *sigh* well I do. I decided to only have one piece of chocolate a day, and I made sure it was a nice dark chocolate. I did think of lying to myself and eating a massive bar and saying "yep, that was only one piece" but I didn't. I stayed strong.
I do love chocolate.
I managed really well and mostly still am.
The point I am really aiming to make out of this whole blurble is that as I sit here at work there is a tray of confectionery in front of me and its Friday so guess what? I bought a chuffing bar of choccy. And do you know what else? It was a regular size 49g dairy milk bar, there was a smaller thinner one there but I openly said to it - "piss off, its friday and you...are...smaaall".
I didn't eat it straight away, I just opened it right up and set it down under my nose and all I could do was smell it. Then after a while you break one bit off and smell it, go to put it in your mouth but DON'T! put it back down where it was and wait. (I am recommending you all try this). What happens is that after the anticipation of wanting to eat it and the physical act of lifting it to your mouth your body just expects to eat it. The smell starts you salivating but as you stop yourself eating it you feel a pull in your jowls or whatever they are. Its like a really sweet bit of lime - find a bar that does a nice Chamaretto Sours, that gives the same effect but after you have drank it rather than before you have eaten it.
So after you have done that lift, replace and wait you can eat it. I managed to do this with two pieces before I just jammed the rest in.
There are so many additives and crazy stuff in dairy milk, if you by proper hand made chocolate from a good local shop (there is one very near me.... chooooocolaaate) it tastes amazing but doesn't give you that buzzyness you seem to get from this stuff. ZING.
Anyway, what I am saying is, I am not supposed top be eating a lot of chocolate but it was Friday, it was there and I bloody ate it. Viva La Chocolat! Blummin' Yum and all that.
A A
I didn't bob for no god damn apples! Nowhere had any apple bobbing for my to join in. I don't have any apples at home just now so when I get there I will have to make do with bobbing for some carrots in the sink. That isn't a euphemism for ... you know.."bobbing".., if it were I would have probably done this => I will have to make do with "BOBBING" for some "CARROTS" in "THE SINK", slightly less subtle I admit but since it wasn't a euphemism I ain't losin no sleep over it.
It comes to a point when I notice that Mr. Tummytum needs to decrease a little bit and I have came to that point.
I am very happy with my shape and size, also very comfortable and quite healthy I would say, but recent events make me want to trim down a tad.
First point - I am currently doing a show which has come to involve having a calender made to accompany it and so I am in this calender. Now it does involve the lack of clothes in the photo and since people were going to be looking I thought this would be a good time to trim and slim and eat less chocolate - (I chocking love chocolate)
Second point - top button. The top button of my jeans, bloody thing.
- I do want to point out that they weren't expensive jeans, some of the seams are already slightly loose and I have only had them a few months, just bear that in mind as you continue. -
My jeans fit fine and don't fall off when I am not wearing a belt but you know when you have been sitting down and lounging and they move slightly higher - closer to your belly button, well they did that and then I sat up and leaned forward so naturally my tummy pushed against the front of the jeans and it broke. The little metal button that goes through eye of fabric broke. If you know the design of these buttons you will know that there is a sharp nail-like part that comes through and then the front part attaches to that like so............
Well that popped in two meaning the rivet and the button were separate :(
You can easily re-attach then by pushing them together but now, now you see there is a weakness and every time the jeans pull on it they pop in to two.
It might be helping because as I am wearing them I walk around holding my stomach in which feels like its working the muscles, but I doubt it really has an effect at all.
So to combat this I thought "first of all I shall half my food intake and do more exercise" so I did. It worked fine, I didn't starve myself, I didn't overwork myself and overall I feel a bit better.
But then, your sitting down and you sneeze - pop button in half, curse you weakened rivet, oooh.
Did I mention I love chocolate? I did? *sigh* well I do. I decided to only have one piece of chocolate a day, and I made sure it was a nice dark chocolate. I did think of lying to myself and eating a massive bar and saying "yep, that was only one piece" but I didn't. I stayed strong.
I do love chocolate.
I managed really well and mostly still am.
The point I am really aiming to make out of this whole blurble is that as I sit here at work there is a tray of confectionery in front of me and its Friday so guess what? I bought a chuffing bar of choccy. And do you know what else? It was a regular size 49g dairy milk bar, there was a smaller thinner one there but I openly said to it - "piss off, its friday and you...are...smaaall".
I didn't eat it straight away, I just opened it right up and set it down under my nose and all I could do was smell it. Then after a while you break one bit off and smell it, go to put it in your mouth but DON'T! put it back down where it was and wait. (I am recommending you all try this). What happens is that after the anticipation of wanting to eat it and the physical act of lifting it to your mouth your body just expects to eat it. The smell starts you salivating but as you stop yourself eating it you feel a pull in your jowls or whatever they are. Its like a really sweet bit of lime - find a bar that does a nice Chamaretto Sours, that gives the same effect but after you have drank it rather than before you have eaten it.
So after you have done that lift, replace and wait you can eat it. I managed to do this with two pieces before I just jammed the rest in.
There are so many additives and crazy stuff in dairy milk, if you by proper hand made chocolate from a good local shop (there is one very near me.... chooooocolaaate) it tastes amazing but doesn't give you that buzzyness you seem to get from this stuff. ZING.
Anyway, what I am saying is, I am not supposed top be eating a lot of chocolate but it was Friday, it was there and I bloody ate it. Viva La Chocolat! Blummin' Yum and all that.
A A
Thursday 1 November 2012
Straight outa Faceworld
I do swear a lot in this one.
Right Subject 1. Star Wars sold to Disney, this IS the worst news about Star Wars. So why am I seeing articles by rather young looking people saying it is actually good news for star wars fans. This little prick could not have been around before the pile of shite that was episode 1. If it was such good news why is everyone saying what a fuckin disaster it is, if it was good news we wouldn't need to be told " Hey, this is good news" we could see it for ourselves. If something happens to any product and the majority of the fans think it is a shit move then, guess what - Its a shit move and NOT good news for the fans.
Yes, Disney has bucket loads of cash and can revamp anything but look at what happened when the new trilogy came along Episodes 1,2 and 3 were amazing looking, the technology and cities were astounding and every film increased in technological advancement and R2D2 could fuckin fly. Then we take a step into the future - Episode 4, 5 and 6 and..... everything looks shit in comparison, Jedi's cant fight with any kind of style - fair enough they have been out of practice but they look like they can hardly hold that beam of light, the real ships and backgrounds look fake compared to the fake ones from Ep 1,2 and 3 and R2D2.... R2D2 is practically some drunken hobo in a special bin whizzing around like who-the-fuck-knows what.
I am not against the fact that it is Disney that has bought it, just look at any Disney Pixar film, they make good films, very very good family films, it is the fact that any company with all the big bucks taking over the project that was created by George back in the 70's will fuck it up with modern techniques. That's another thing, All these people who are saying how good it is to take it out of his hands can get to fuck. He created it, yes he can do what he likes with it but those first 3 were epic at the time and the best option would be to start from scratch. Things change. I mean, Heath Ledgers Joker was the greatest thing we had seen for some time and people were saying stuff like " Haha Jack Nicholson, bet he wished he had done that" and other things similar but if you look at Jacks performance it is superb, it is actually closer to the comic book character of The Joker. Heaths performance was so great because it was The Joker for our modern day and I absolutely loved it. The difference is the time, at the time of Jack that was the Joker but in our time Heath was the Joker and in the future, who knows, it could be Zac Efron and people would go ape shit over how good it was.
My point being, If they make episode 7 it is going to destroy the original trilogy even more 1,2,3 super technology, 4,5,6 back to the 70's, 7 onwards even superer technological. And who is going to play Luke and Han and Leia because it sure as hell ain't gonna be Mark, Han and Carrie.
I say give it to someone like Del Toro and start from the beginning.
Subject 2 (the controversial bastard subject)
Jimmy Saville. I DO NOT CONDONE WHAT HE DID, get that straight now. But he got away with it and he did because of who he was.
All these witnesses who are appearing now saying "I saw Jimmy doing this...", "I saw Jimmy going here with so and so", "I saw Jimmy taking people to ....", "Here is a video of Jimmy doing whatever with Whoever" Why didn't you say anything?
Why? Because it was mutha-fuckin Sir Jimmy Saville. He was a huge celebrity, who the fuck was going to tell on him, anyone who was close to him loved him and anyone who didn't care about him didn't know what he was doing anyway. It's like if you get caught in the street with a spec of whatever-drug-you-have at the time and you are completely fucked over and your life is ruined forever. But if you are a celebrity, oh if only you were a celebrity, you could parade around with whatever drugs you like hanging out your arsehole while you danced naked down the street thinking you were in the wizard of fuckin Oz and no one would do anything. How many times do you see news on celebrityX off their face again, or abusing whoever, drugged out their tits with celebrityY over and over again. Oh, celebrityA and B back in rehab, out of rehab, back in rehab. Take their fuckin drugs off them and stop giving them money or let everyone else do the same, if its illegal for people with no money its illegal for people with shit loads of money.... or are the government making money out of this? Is it illegal for the poor because they aren't making any profit from it.
Celebrities get away with everything because of who they are but every now and then, they need a scapegoat/fall guy to blame for some terrible act that happens. They distract you from one disaster with another. Whatever happened about all those thousands of birds and fish that were found dead one January? They don't know so a bigger news story was plastered everywhere.
Christ if some famous person asked me to do something, I would at least consider it.
"...and he smiled like the old Pumpkin King that I knew,
then turned and asked softly of me... wouldn't you?"
A A
Right Subject 1. Star Wars sold to Disney, this IS the worst news about Star Wars. So why am I seeing articles by rather young looking people saying it is actually good news for star wars fans. This little prick could not have been around before the pile of shite that was episode 1. If it was such good news why is everyone saying what a fuckin disaster it is, if it was good news we wouldn't need to be told " Hey, this is good news" we could see it for ourselves. If something happens to any product and the majority of the fans think it is a shit move then, guess what - Its a shit move and NOT good news for the fans.
Yes, Disney has bucket loads of cash and can revamp anything but look at what happened when the new trilogy came along Episodes 1,2 and 3 were amazing looking, the technology and cities were astounding and every film increased in technological advancement and R2D2 could fuckin fly. Then we take a step into the future - Episode 4, 5 and 6 and..... everything looks shit in comparison, Jedi's cant fight with any kind of style - fair enough they have been out of practice but they look like they can hardly hold that beam of light, the real ships and backgrounds look fake compared to the fake ones from Ep 1,2 and 3 and R2D2.... R2D2 is practically some drunken hobo in a special bin whizzing around like who-the-fuck-knows what.
I am not against the fact that it is Disney that has bought it, just look at any Disney Pixar film, they make good films, very very good family films, it is the fact that any company with all the big bucks taking over the project that was created by George back in the 70's will fuck it up with modern techniques. That's another thing, All these people who are saying how good it is to take it out of his hands can get to fuck. He created it, yes he can do what he likes with it but those first 3 were epic at the time and the best option would be to start from scratch. Things change. I mean, Heath Ledgers Joker was the greatest thing we had seen for some time and people were saying stuff like " Haha Jack Nicholson, bet he wished he had done that" and other things similar but if you look at Jacks performance it is superb, it is actually closer to the comic book character of The Joker. Heaths performance was so great because it was The Joker for our modern day and I absolutely loved it. The difference is the time, at the time of Jack that was the Joker but in our time Heath was the Joker and in the future, who knows, it could be Zac Efron and people would go ape shit over how good it was.
My point being, If they make episode 7 it is going to destroy the original trilogy even more 1,2,3 super technology, 4,5,6 back to the 70's, 7 onwards even superer technological. And who is going to play Luke and Han and Leia because it sure as hell ain't gonna be Mark, Han and Carrie.
I say give it to someone like Del Toro and start from the beginning.
Subject 2 (the controversial bastard subject)
Jimmy Saville. I DO NOT CONDONE WHAT HE DID, get that straight now. But he got away with it and he did because of who he was.
All these witnesses who are appearing now saying "I saw Jimmy doing this...", "I saw Jimmy going here with so and so", "I saw Jimmy taking people to ....", "Here is a video of Jimmy doing whatever with Whoever" Why didn't you say anything?
Why? Because it was mutha-fuckin Sir Jimmy Saville. He was a huge celebrity, who the fuck was going to tell on him, anyone who was close to him loved him and anyone who didn't care about him didn't know what he was doing anyway. It's like if you get caught in the street with a spec of whatever-drug-you-have at the time and you are completely fucked over and your life is ruined forever. But if you are a celebrity, oh if only you were a celebrity, you could parade around with whatever drugs you like hanging out your arsehole while you danced naked down the street thinking you were in the wizard of fuckin Oz and no one would do anything. How many times do you see news on celebrityX off their face again, or abusing whoever, drugged out their tits with celebrityY over and over again. Oh, celebrityA and B back in rehab, out of rehab, back in rehab. Take their fuckin drugs off them and stop giving them money or let everyone else do the same, if its illegal for people with no money its illegal for people with shit loads of money.... or are the government making money out of this? Is it illegal for the poor because they aren't making any profit from it.
Celebrities get away with everything because of who they are but every now and then, they need a scapegoat/fall guy to blame for some terrible act that happens. They distract you from one disaster with another. Whatever happened about all those thousands of birds and fish that were found dead one January? They don't know so a bigger news story was plastered everywhere.
Christ if some famous person asked me to do something, I would at least consider it.
"...and he smiled like the old Pumpkin King that I knew,
then turned and asked softly of me... wouldn't you?"
A A
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